Long Time No Post

Wow.  It has been a long while since I’ve posted!  So much has happened since my last post on March 14th. 

On March 13th, I decided to take a break from running because my Achilles tendon seemed to be injured and it seemed like one of those body parts you just don’t want to mess with.  This, of course, meant my training for my May 6th halfie was put off.  I now have three days until the race, and I just don’t think I’ll run it.  It’s really disappointing – I had high hopes, I was making great progress AND, the cherry on top: I paid $85 for the race.  It happens, right?  There are worse things in the world…at the end of the day, I am able to run and I am grateful for that.

On March 23rd, X and I went on a school trip to the Netherlands, Belgium and the UK.  What an experience it was.  Being a business school trip and all, we spent the majority of our days going from one company presentation to the next.  Still though, it was interesting and on our spare time we were able to explore the different cultures (food being my favorite part of a place’s culture).  I had plans to run my way through all the places we visited, but my Achilles had other plans. 

That is Snoop Dogg’s favorite “coffee shop” in Amsterdam according to our tour guide.

IMG_4159

But…despite the awesome trip.. there’s been even better news….after FIVE years of being a pest daily (yes, daily!)..I finally have a PUPPY!!!!  He is so amazing and fills me with so much joy.  Well, he also fills me with exhaustion and stress.  Who knew that puppies bit EVERYTHING and not only that, but NONSTOP?  The only time he isn’t trying to eat my hands, feet, clothes, furniture, shoes, etc etc etc is when he’s sleeping.  Fortunately for my sanity, puppies sleep a lot. 

IMG_4976 IMG_4997

 

HE IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!

So, now we’re almost caught up.  Smile 

I’ll be back again soon!

xoxo, SAButterfly

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Raindrops on Toes-es

It’s been raining for two days straight.  And that is no exaggeration, my friends.

Rainy Day

Please excuse the horrible picture – in which you probably can’t even tell that it’s raining – but it’s the best I could do with my phone.  If you notice little white dots on that there bare branch…those are raindrops!  Yessiree. 

I don’t know what is up with mother nature this week.. but I have a feeling she’s just empathetic towards my somber mood.  Last week on my 6 mile run, if you remember, my lower calf/achilles felt tight.  I ran through it.  On my next two runs, I felt the same tightness but it would disappear after a minute or two.  But yesterday, at the end of my 3 miler, I noticed it was feeling sore.  And I attempted to walk/skip/hop it out (much to the entertainment of my neighbor and her 8 year old son whom I had not noticed until it was too late Embarrassed smile). 

X and I googled the shit out of achilles/calf aches, and learned that my achilles tendon is most likely injured and that I must ice and rest.  Mega sadface (Sad smile) for that one. 

Something else we learned (that had us rolling around in laughter) is that my notorious longer 2nd toe (a friend of mine even has me in her phone as “FingerToes”) has a NAME!!! It’s called Morton’s Toe!  Would you believe that?  After 27 years, I’m still learning so much about myself.

The pic below is me as I type up this blog post! That’s a hair-tie holding my ice in place. I so smart.

Iced

That’s a lot of text on that picture!  There’s even some other hidden gems from which I decided to spare your eyes.  You’re welcome. 

I have such horrible feet – which is why I took up running.  I figured, my feet already have so many issues, I might as well try and lose some toenails, too! Winking smile

Have you ever had a minor achilles injury?  How long did you wait until you began running again?  Blegh.  Let’s hope it’s so minor that it just needs a few days.  I’m trying to pretend I didn’t see anything about possibly taking weeks or months for even minor injuries. 

That’s all for now! 

xoxo, the SAButterfly

Posted in Half Marathon Training | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m a Hoarder..Kind Of

Have you ever watched the show Hoarders: Buried Alive?  I periodically catch the show as I skim through the channels and, just as the rubber-necking drivers creep past a car accident, I just can’t look away.  It’s an uncomfortably frustrating show and I’m always grateful that we haven’t innovated a way to have interactive TV just yet because the unkind (read: profane) things that get said while watching this show would make Charlie Sheen blush.

I mean, seriously..WTF is this?

If you or anyone you know must enter your home looking like this:

You know it’s time to reevaluate.

There’s a funny cycle that occurs each time I catch the show – they show the mess (understatement of the century), I get disgusted and rant on and on, then they explain how it got so bad.  It’s usually a devastating and life-altering moment to blame.  And then I feel guilty and realize that this happens all the time!  Biggest Loser is another great example of how sadness, anger, frustration (and so on) manifest themselves in unhealthy ways.

Which brings me to take a look at myself and my constant battle with having SO much to do and not knowing what to do with it all.  I know what you’re thinking.  “SAButterfly, you’re unemployed.  How busy can you be??”  Well, you see, I add something new to my beloved list everyday, but I don’t cross things off as often as I seem to add them.  So my innocent list of 5 things transforms into a Beast that I cannot control.  There’s clearly a simple solution to this, but my mind becomes an overwhelming mess such that I don’t even know where to begin. My brain is ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.  WITH EVERYTHING.  This list, these thoughts, are what I hoard.  I am officially calling myself a hoarder on the interwebs.

One month of unemployment becomes two and then before I know it, it’s been 6 months since I’ve had a job.  My thoughts are so overwhelmed with other thoughts that when I’m asked what I want to do for a living, I become paralyzed with fear (let’s be honest, when I’m asked what I have in store for the day I get the same reaction).  What do I like to do?  I think I know what I hate.  Should I be a teacher? A counselor? A psychotherapist? A doctor? A Vet? Or maybe stay in the business field but on the more creative side…Marketing? Advertising?  PR?  It’s like I have a myriad of voices just constantly talking all at once and all I want to do is yell,  “ENOUGH!!”.

About a month ago, I met with a career counselor on X’s campus to discuss my current job-less situation and had an “ENOUGH!” moment.  And it was a pretty embarrassing moment at that…she asked me “Well, what are your strengths?  Even at the jobs you’ve disliked, what did people always either compliment you on or go to you for?”  And I was dumbfounded.  “Uh, I bring a positive attitude?”  So. Awkwaaard.  I can rattle off a list of my weaknesses but I can’t come up with one strength?

Which brings me to StrengthFinders 2.0. by Tom Rath.

StrengthsFinder 2.0

An inexpensive book, coupled with an online questionnaire, that helps you narrow down what talents you possess and can hopefully develop.

Here is what my answers revealed:

Strengths

So I’m relieved that someone else could put my strengths to paper, but…what do I do with this now?  I am currently reading over the “Ideas for Action” they prescribe and really evaluating the results.  More on what these mean in the next post Smile

What are your strengths?  Have you found the career that allows you to develop and showcase these strengths?

What do you “hoard”?  Dreams? Clothes? Photos? Food? 

Posted in Social Anxiety Disorder | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Triple Tangent Tuesday

I decided to join in on the Triple Tangent Tuesday idea from Janae at HRG

1.  I feel like I’m the only person on the planet (well, besides my boo.. but he doesn’t count cause he doesn’t like anything that isn’t meat or cheese) who doesn’t like peanut butter.  I know, I’m almost ashamed.  I bought a jar of it last year to try and incorporate into my daily diet.. and I just couldn’t do it!  I don’t know if it’s the stickiness or the taste. 

Last night I actually bought a ThinkThin PB bar – let’s see how that goes. Smile

 

2.  I’ve had three pair of running shoes and all have been the same exact colors. Boring, huh? Silver and baby blue and all different brands (Nike, then Aasics, now Saucony).  Thankfully, I totally just ordered my Saucony Mirage Red heart in white and lime green (below) this week because I wanted to stock up on this perfect shoe… Oh, and because this color combo was only $50!  I wish all running companies could have shoes as pretty as Nikes.. or that Nikes didn’t give me a crap ton of blisters.

 

3.  I love fashion blogs, but I think I have horrible style.  A 27 year old really needs to stop living in jeans, tanks and flip flops if she doesn’t want to be carded when she’s buying tickets to a rated R movie..  One good thing that’s come from moving to the Bay Area is that it has finally gotten me to wear boots everyday!  I haven’t worn flip flops in MONTHS! 

——————————————————————–

Can you recommend any nut butter besides PB that is less sticky and less “nutty”?  Does the term ‘nut butter’ make you as uncomfortable as it makes me?

Do you go for fun colors or conservative colors when buying running shoes?  I really love the funky colors, but somehow when I’m buying shoes they’re never in my size and I always end up with silver and baby blue. 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Just One of Them Days

I might just make all my titles after songs.

Last week I had two of the best runs of my life on Monday and Tuesday.  Then Tuesday night I caught the plague from lack of sleep, staying out late in the cold, and partying too much in Vegas.  Genius!

I ended up feeling like complete shit death.  So this weekend, when I was scheduled to run six miles, I just knew it was a bad idea and I pushed it to today (Monday). I was already a bit worried about how it would go because I’m still pretty congested but it’s the best I’ve felt in a week and I knew if I let it go too long before I ran again, it’d just be ugly.  Then, as I was getting ready to head out for my run, I closed the bathroom door on my toes.  Yes.  I did that.

I sat at the edge of the bed squeezing my big toe hoping the pain would subside, but banged up toes are persistent little fuckers boogers (oh, and I had plenty of those too, THANKS VEGAS!).  Anyway, so I head off on my run and figured after the first few seconds I wouldn’t even notice the pain.  I was right about that.  BUT THEN, my right calf started feeling really tight about half a mile into my run.  No big deal, just 5.5 more miles to go.  Sarcastic smile  I think I stopped a gajillion times (just go with it) to try and fix that, and then I just couldn’t breathe.  And by 3.5 miles I wished I had brought a box of tissues on the run with me cause I had way too much going on in the nasal area.  You’re welcome for sparing you the deets.

So, I rested a lot, but I completed the six miles.  And I didn’t let myself walk it, even if I did come to a complete stop to catch my breath a few million times.  I’m happy I did it, but not without my body  and mind putting up a fight first I guess.

It’s funny how much more mental strength is necessary than physical strength when it comes to things like running.  I just could not get my head in the game today.  I kept noticing my arms getting tired and my legs feeling tight and then my core felt heavy.  It was all in my head, but I guess it was just one of those days.

On the bright sideSun, I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and bought some chocolate milk for some muscle repair.  SCORE.  I’ve been meaning to buy it for weeks but haven’t yet.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll be motivated by the thought of a glass of chocolate milk waiting at the end of my run.  Like a delicious pot of gold.  Rainbow

Now, off to ice my toes!

XOXO, SAButterfly

Posted in Half Marathon Training | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

What’s Your Biggest Fear?

I named this post “What’s Your Biggest Fear?” because I really want to know.  I think growing up with fear of people/public speaking/lookin’ a fool has really made me accepting of other peoples’ fears and I think it always feels good to know you’re not alone.  Well, except fear of random things like bellybuttons (oh, it’s real).  That…that I just don’t get.  Although I guess to some people having a fear of looking stupid or getting in front of people might seem silly, too.  That’s the thing about a phobia, by definition, it’s irrational.  Social anxiety disorder (which I have been so blessed with for my 27 years on this planet) is also known as social phobia.  It’s irrational.  And it’s horrible.  It’s horrible because I’m not fearful of bellybuttons.  I WISH I was fearful of just bellybuttons.  Because you don’t often come across situations where someone is touching yours or their own and this terrified feeling comes once in a blue moon.  But social situations?  If you even want a semblance of a normal, healthy life, you will come across those often.

Do I feel better knowing that social phobia is among the most common phobias?  Somewhat.  I’d rather not have it at all though.  It affects EVERTHING. 

So, I’m gonna lay it all out on the line and tell you my silly fears. 

Isn’t it silly that I fear getting up in front of a group (whether its 5 people or 100) and talking about myself?  I mean, that’s got to be the easiest subject I could be given to talk about. 

I fear playing group games – Taboo, Charades, Kings (drinking game) for a few reasons: blanking out, looking stupid and causing the team to lose. 

I’m always afraid I’ll ask dumb questions – I don’t think I’ve ever asked a question in class.  Maybe if my grade depended on it, but I honestly can’t remember a time when I’ve asked a question voluntarily.

Meeting new people and making small talk.  Especially now that I’m unemployed and a typical first question is “So, what do you do?” 

Being disliked.

Going to a store and asking for help.  If I ranked these in order of scariness, this wouldn’t be at the top by any means, but the fact that I avoid doing it certainly means it’s a fear. 

I also fear talking to females more than males.  I think females are more judgmental and knowing this, it makes it much more difficult for me to be myself around them.

Having a blog with no readers/comments Winking smile.  Just kidding!  Maybe.  (No, srsly, just kidding.)

I also think I suffer from Arachnophobia – fear of spiders.  Maybe not the most extreme case, but they are terrifying little suckers!!  I had an encounter in my home a few weeks ago.  And I felt like I was paralyzed with fear.  Granted, I found a GIGANTIC spider in my jacket collar just as I was about to put it on. So…yeah.  :: shudders at the thought ::

I think in future blog posts, I’m going to recount some of my experiences from my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions (both the individual and the group experiences).  It’ll help me relearn what I’ve seemed to have forgotten out here.  I think I took 10 steps forward over the past year and about 5 steps backward when I arrived in this new home in Cali. 

Anyway, I’d love it if you’d leave a comment with a fear or maybe even some form of encouragement.  Smile  This might not be a weight loss journey or a full-on running blog, but I hope I’ll strike a chord with some people who read this.  Everyone has a fear, so what’s yours? 

Posted in Social Anxiety Disorder | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s the First of the Month GOALS

“Wake up, wake up, wake up, it’s the 1st of tha month.” – Bone Thugs n Harmony.

Hi, all. I like to sing this song at the beginning of every month.  Doesn’t everybody?

ANYWHO, It’s March 1st and I’ve decided to reevaluate my goals from last month and adjust them for the upcoming month.

February Goals:

1. take a photography class – research and pick one within the next three weeks – I looked into photography classes and sadly had decided that it’s not in my budget right now.  Being unemployed and paying for the bare necessities (food, shelter, and costumes) has really put a damper on my savings account. 

2. train for another half marathon, but this time I want to be diligent about it. – I’ve been doing great with keeping up.  Having a friend run with me really boosted my motivation and I’ve been keeping up ever since.  Took a break yesterday and today because I am horribly sick (an overnight trip to Vegas with 600 people in 70’s costumes will do that to ya).

3. begin the steps to get a job out here – It’s been 6 months since I’ve moved out here and I’ve been too afraid to apply.  I’ve definitely regressed a bit with the SAD progress I had made in therapy since moving out here to a new place full of new people. – WOW.  This is horribly embarrassing.  I’ve applied to one job.  Pathetic.  I really need to just throw out a million resumes and see what gets a bite. 

4. work on making friends – I’ve been decent about this one, but definitely need to continue this goal for a while before I get comfortable calling people up randomly. 

MARCH GOALS:

1. Continue running according to this halfie training program.  Keep it up! You won’t regret it!

2. Apply to as many jobs as you find even somewhat interesting.  Interviewing with a not-so-great job is practice for a great job!

3. Continue to work on making friends.  Reach out!! Stop worrying that you’re bothering or that you’re not liked.  Everyone likes being invited places.  Right?

4. Leave the house everyday.  (I sometimes will go days without leaving the house!  Isn’t that crazy?)

5. Stop surfing the internet in bed.  This makes time pass far too quickly and I find myself wasting time laying in bed in the mornings.  The usual culprits: facebook, google reader, and twitter.  The quicker I get out of bed in the morning, the more productive I am throughout the rest of the day (if a scientific experiment was done on me, this would be a proven fact). 

6. Work with what you’ve got: even though I don’t have the best camera and lenses, start participating in a photo project.

Have you ever set goals and not met them?  If so, how did you deal with it? If not, how do you motivate yourself to reach your goals?

How do you organize your goals?  Daily? Monthly? Annually? I’m always looking for ways to organize my thoughts.  I have way too many of them!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment