What’s Your Biggest Fear?

I named this post “What’s Your Biggest Fear?” because I really want to know.  I think growing up with fear of people/public speaking/lookin’ a fool has really made me accepting of other peoples’ fears and I think it always feels good to know you’re not alone.  Well, except fear of random things like bellybuttons (oh, it’s real).  That…that I just don’t get.  Although I guess to some people having a fear of looking stupid or getting in front of people might seem silly, too.  That’s the thing about a phobia, by definition, it’s irrational.  Social anxiety disorder (which I have been so blessed with for my 27 years on this planet) is also known as social phobia.  It’s irrational.  And it’s horrible.  It’s horrible because I’m not fearful of bellybuttons.  I WISH I was fearful of just bellybuttons.  Because you don’t often come across situations where someone is touching yours or their own and this terrified feeling comes once in a blue moon.  But social situations?  If you even want a semblance of a normal, healthy life, you will come across those often.

Do I feel better knowing that social phobia is among the most common phobias?  Somewhat.  I’d rather not have it at all though.  It affects EVERTHING. 

So, I’m gonna lay it all out on the line and tell you my silly fears. 

Isn’t it silly that I fear getting up in front of a group (whether its 5 people or 100) and talking about myself?  I mean, that’s got to be the easiest subject I could be given to talk about. 

I fear playing group games – Taboo, Charades, Kings (drinking game) for a few reasons: blanking out, looking stupid and causing the team to lose. 

I’m always afraid I’ll ask dumb questions – I don’t think I’ve ever asked a question in class.  Maybe if my grade depended on it, but I honestly can’t remember a time when I’ve asked a question voluntarily.

Meeting new people and making small talk.  Especially now that I’m unemployed and a typical first question is “So, what do you do?” 

Being disliked.

Going to a store and asking for help.  If I ranked these in order of scariness, this wouldn’t be at the top by any means, but the fact that I avoid doing it certainly means it’s a fear. 

I also fear talking to females more than males.  I think females are more judgmental and knowing this, it makes it much more difficult for me to be myself around them.

Having a blog with no readers/comments .  Just kidding!  Maybe.  (No, srsly, just kidding.)

I also think I suffer from Arachnophobia – fear of spiders.  Maybe not the most extreme case, but they are terrifying little suckers!!  I had an encounter in my home a few weeks ago.  And I felt like I was paralyzed with fear.  Granted, I found a GIGANTIC spider in my jacket collar just as I was about to put it on. So…yeah.  :: shudders at the thought ::

I think in future blog posts, I’m going to recount some of my experiences from my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions (both the individual and the group experiences).  It’ll help me relearn what I’ve seemed to have forgotten out here.  I think I took 10 steps forward over the past year and about 5 steps backward when I arrived in this new home in Cali. 

Anyway, I’d love it if you’d leave a comment with a fear or maybe even some form of encouragement.    This might not be a weight loss journey or a full-on running blog, but I hope I’ll strike a chord with some people who read this.  Everyone has a fear, so what’s yours?